Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
