I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The air was thick with penises
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
