i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
