So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
