People in love make me want to vomit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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