So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
