Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
