My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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