I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
