...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
