tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize