yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
