The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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