his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
