So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
