Sry I called you an 8
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
