Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
