You made me cry and you don't even care
My liver just broke up with me...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
