If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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