I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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