You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have post one night stand depression
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
