oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
