your parents love me but you hate me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
