why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
