yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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