dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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