Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
