Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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