I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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