If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
