Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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