if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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