I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
