Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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