how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
