a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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