He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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