What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize