So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
