Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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