fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
