I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
