shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
