Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
