Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
