Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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