guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
