I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
