i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
