just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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