Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
