addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
