Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize