Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
