he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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