Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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