No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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