i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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