i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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