i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
