Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
