the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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