He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
