i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
