I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
