I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
