she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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