we have officially lost it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
