he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
