I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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