He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
