i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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