just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
