im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize