The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
