Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
