hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize