so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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