At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
