in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
