im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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